…according to Sweeny Murti of WFAN (radio) and blog, is to: SHUT UP.

Here’s what Sweeney said:

Being a member of the media, I rely on speaking to athletes every day to do my job. I ask them questions, they give me answers…this is how the job works. If they don’t speak, I don’t have much to go on. That said, I’m going to suggest that Alex Rodriguez never open his mouth again. Seriously.

This is simply a guy who proves time and time again that he can’t talk and chew gum at the same time. Last week A-Rod had his cousin (who is apparently guilty of transporting a controlled substance into the U.S.) meet him at the ballpark to give him a ride home (the Yankees response was something like, “Just how stupid are you?”). This week A-Rod stumbled in the simple act of trying to compliment Jose Reyes. He rolled out the Welcome Wagon, only to run over Derek Jeter and Johnny Damon in the process.

Former Yankee 3rd base coach Larry Bowa and bullpen catcher Mike Borzello used to fine Alex $100 a pop every time he said something stupid. I was surprised to see that both men are still working, joining Joe Torre’s staff in LA. I just assumed Bowa and Borzello had taken their winnings and retired to a small island in the Caribbean.

If saying stupid things were an Olympic sport, A-Rod would have won a gold medal by now. While trying to defend himself from Mike Lupica, he hammered Derek Jeter (the famous 2001 Esquire article). While confessing to steroids, he accused Selena Roberts of breaking and entering. He once forgot the name Sandy Koufax, referring to him as “the Jewish gentleman.” He referred to his slap at Bronson Arroyo in the 2004 ALCS as a “brilliant play” even though he was called out because it was illegal. Oh, and he keeps calling him Brandon Arroyo.

Listen, I’m not asking for The Gettysburg Address. I’m just hoping for something better than Jeff Spicoli. … But I’m voting for the Steve Carlton treatment. The Hall of Fame lefty didn’t talk to reporters for pretty much the second half of his career. All he did was pitch great and win. No one seemed to care.

I couldn’t agree more with Murti. Unfortunately, after reading Torre’s book (The Yankee Years), we now know A-Rod has this complex personality where he must be in the center of everything. He will not let go of anything, being so obsessive over minuet details.

That’s why A-Rod has always found himself in the middle of everything, because he craves it and kisses it on the feet.

Hat tip to Sliding into Home for the Murti article.